Tired of nasty remarks on your Freelander that has never left London? There’s a solution for you: Sprayonmud. This a bottle filled with mud collected in the centre of England. Just spray it on your car and it’ll look as if you had spent the week-end off-roading in the countryside. Of course, it’s harmless for the paintwork. Anyway, don’t forget your plate numbers must remain visible so don’t use it to fool radars. Eventually, even if your car was delivered late because the factory had been invaded by ecologists, please don’t spray mud on them  alleging it’s for the sake of their skin, badly damaged by pollution and nights spent sleeping in trees.

Sprayonmud is not even expensive: only £7.95 for a 75cl bottle.